My Journey Sept 25, 09 A LIFE OF PAIN

The friends I used to have, the places I used to go, the people that I used to talk to, the world I used to know, the things I used to do. The family I thougth I had,

Gone, all of it gone, now there is nothing, a void, noone talks to me, no one knows me, the friends have gone, the family is gone, everything gone.

Whats left is my dog, reading books, watching TV, going on the internet, and always being alone, alone and totally isolated. I see no one, talk to no one, go nowhere, have nothing to care for or about except my dog.

When I became disabled-my world went away, gone was my life, my reason for being, my everything   gone.

Never do I complain to anyone that I see face-to-face, never mention my pain, never fail to smile, never am I rude, never do I cry or moan about what I have lost.  But I have lost it all,  Everything  gone.

Now I sit here alone, unwanted, unloved, uncared for, unknown,

So what do I have?  I have the people I have met on the internet, some of whom do seem to care, but there is no one to talk to , no one to be with , no one talk to , no one to care, no one who knows me anymore.

No one to say, "Good job" when I managed to get out of the motorized wheelchair and walk again. No one to see me struggle to walk a little further, to do a little more, to watch me try to improve, no one to share the pain, or even share the laughs.

Yet, I must try to continue to improve, to do more, to walk a few more steps, to pet my dog who is my only companion.

Is this a "pity party" if it is, I am partying all alone. No not depressed or even angry. Just sometimes I miss my life, I miss my friends, I miss the conversation, I miss the company, I miss the family, I miss it all.

Tomorrow will be better, it has to be because I keep trying to make it better, Keep feeling that those things that I miss don’t matter.

Isolation  because of the pain, because I can’t do all the things I used to do.  But I am still a worthwhile person, I am somebody and will always strive to improve and to get stronger, to walk a few more steps. to continue to try to make friends.

I am a person in pain, but the Pain does not define me, There is much more to me than that. I will hope that tomorrow will be better.