My Journey Aug 23 09 A Life of Pain LinLin

Flares are the worse, sometimes the pain is so severe that I can’t even move. Yet, I know that not moving will just add to the pain. In the long run, you have to move every bit as much as possible and then a little more.

It’s only about 5 steps from my room to the bathroom and yet , at times that seems like the longest walk.  Even with holding on to the dresser and the doof post, it takes a long time to get there.

Then days like today, when the pain has not allowed me to sleep at all last night, I am just totally exhausted and don’t even feel like eating or anything. So I have spent the day reading and watching TV. Not much fun, but it does pass the time.


I am so angry the the Dr thinks that I should be used to the pain by now.  How unrealistic is that?  We learn to live the best we can with the pain, but no one ever "gets used" to it.  I have a high tolerance to pain and so when I say it hurts, then it is horrible.

Along with that I have a high tolerance to drugs and that is not a good thing.  So, even though I am in pain and attempt to explain to the DR-he doesn’t think that "older people" need as much pain meds.

I force myself to do all that I can, and have managed to get out of a motorized wheel chair and try not to use a cane. I try to stand tall and walk all I can, even though the pain is horrible.

Keeping the mobility that I have is the most important thing, and I know with just a little more help with the pain meds, I could get stronger.

When I told the DR, I would not remain in a wheel chair, he laughed at me, saying, "You’ll never walk again, you need to understand that and get used to it"  

"Also, your right shoulder , arm,wrist, hand and fingers will never be of any use , so learn to do thing one handed."  Well, I can use my right arm, not strong but I can use it,  I can move my fingers and that was only with  sweat and tears. Constantly forcing myself to do more has helped me gain more movement..

Will Power is a great thing, but it can only do so much. I have done more that they ever thought I would and am even still living, though that was not what the DRs expected either. 

I almost feel like I am being punished for improving as much as I have.

Maybe, I’m just having a pity party day, but that’s not like me. Usually I am always positive and try to keep a good attitude, but today I just feel like   What’s the use of anything?

Guess I’ll take my pitiful self to bed and read and get an attitude adjustment..  



About albanylinlin5

Love reading with my Kindle 2, Rode the big bikes all my life, but can't ride anymore. Love spending time with a special person who can enjoy b eing quiet together or out and about having fun. Love music, Susan Boyle, early Charlotte Church and more
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3 Responses to My Journey Aug 23 09 A Life of Pain LinLin

  1. someone says:

    I am sorry to hear that Lin..Yes i do think your Dr. is being very unrealistic. He obviously hasn’t experienced pain by the sounds of it!I surely have had my fair share, and have an idea of what you are talking about.I dont think anyone should condemn you for expressing how you are feeling. I think you’re doing fine in your "attitude".We all have those days where we need to get things off our chests. And as much as we would like to remain "positive", sometimes its just not possible. We are just human beings, and am sure those who have experienced being in pain will know what you are talking about. Its those who haven’t that will be quick to tell you you are having a pity party. Am sorry i dont have the answers, but you hang in there. Keep up the spirit and dont give in, or give up. It sounds like you have progressed…. and i hope and pray you continue to do so. Hug x

    • Hi
      I know it’s been so long, I finally have a laptop and will be able to come back on line whenever I want. I hope you know that I treasure your comments on my posts.
      Please let me know if you are still here, if so I would love to connect and have some positive things to talk about.
      You signed you name as someone Well someone thank you for being here and your comments have helped me to keep on keeping on
      thank you
      I look forward to hearing from you.

    • Hello Someone
      Sorry it has been so long. I hope you are still here and would love to talk about our lives and what we have been doing .

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