Flares are the worse, sometimes the pain is so severe that I can’t even move. Yet, I know that not moving will just add to the pain. In the long run, you have to move every bit as much as possible and then a little more.
It’s only about 5 steps from my room to the bathroom and yet , at times that seems like the longest walk. Even with holding on to the dresser and the doof post, it takes a long time to get there.
Then days like today, when the pain has not allowed me to sleep at all last night, I am just totally exhausted and don’t even feel like eating or anything. So I have spent the day reading and watching TV. Not much fun, but it does pass the time.
I am so angry the the Dr thinks that I should be used to the pain by now. How unrealistic is that? We learn to live the best we can with the pain, but no one ever "gets used" to it. I have a high tolerance to pain and so when I say it hurts, then it is horrible.
Along with that I have a high tolerance to drugs and that is not a good thing. So, even though I am in pain and attempt to explain to the DR-he doesn’t think that "older people" need as much pain meds.
I force myself to do all that I can, and have managed to get out of a motorized wheel chair and try not to use a cane. I try to stand tall and walk all I can, even though the pain is horrible.
Keeping the mobility that I have is the most important thing, and I know with just a little more help with the pain meds, I could get stronger.
When I told the DR, I would not remain in a wheel chair, he laughed at me, saying, "You’ll never walk again, you need to understand that and get used to it"
"Also, your right shoulder , arm,wrist, hand and fingers will never be of any use , so learn to do thing one handed." Well, I can use my right arm, not strong but I can use it, I can move my fingers and that was only with sweat and tears. Constantly forcing myself to do more has helped me gain more movement..
Will Power is a great thing, but it can only do so much. I have done more that they ever thought I would and am even still living, though that was not what the DRs expected either.
I almost feel like I am being punished for improving as much as I have.
Maybe, I’m just having a pity party day, but that’s not like me. Usually I am always positive and try to keep a good attitude, but today I just feel like What’s the use of anything?
Guess I’ll take my pitiful self to bed and read and get an attitude adjustment..